


birthday

by erenmin



Series: Arumika Week 2019 [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Arumika Week, Arumika Week 2019, F/M, Post-Canon, it's just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 19:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20765966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erenmin/pseuds/erenmin
Summary: Arumika week 2019 day 1: "Stay with me."Mikasa never really cared for birthdays.





	birthday

**Author's Note:**

> a day late and i'm not super happy with it, but here it is!! i can't believe arumika week is already here!!

Mikasa never really cared for birthdays.

She understood why people were excited by them and enjoyed them, surviving another year of life and celebrating the achievements reached that past year. Or to celebrate maturing and the ever-ongoing gathering of wisdom.  
Mikasa found her indifference to birthdays turned into a cruel taunt that constantly reminded her of how much she had to lose; how long it would be until she did. She acknowledged the new perspective on Eren’s sixteenth birthday, and it only intensified with Armin’s birthday seven months later. 

It turned back into disdain once she lost Eren and she didn’t let herself get comfortable with the sound of still having almost a full decade left with Armin since she knew she would most likely let herself be disappointed and devastated again like with Eren. She often found herself wishing for their early scouting days when they were forced to live day by day, minute by minute with danger always looming over their heads and keeping them too distracted by trying to stay alive rather than actually living in peace and looking forward to the rest of their lives. 

But their lives went on and the years passed, and life became more than the Survey Corps and constant fighting. Mikasa and Armin and the rest of Levi Squad were granted time off after Shiganshina and many deliberations of the island and Mikasa found herself at a loss of what to do with herself for the first time since she was a small child, when all she had to worry about was keeping the boys out of trouble and helping Carla around the house with chores. But Armin was there to give her the push she needed as always, because that’s just who Armin was. He always had a goal and plan in mind it seemed like, he could never sit still for too long which was one thing Mikasa had always sympathized with. So Mikasa found the next eight years to be filled with constant adventure thanks to Armin’s curiosity of the world, but she caught up quickly and took over on their extended adventure, which Armin happily followed.

Mikasa never imagined that they could’ve grown any closer, but they both became the center of each others’ universes with each monument visited, mountain climbed on, beach walked on, city passed by. 

What Mikasa never mentioned was with each birthday celebrated, that growth was quickly shattered and overtaken by her dread she had felt as a teen. She found herself clinging to Armin more and more every day, holding onto him a little tighter, kissing him a little longer, looking at him closer, but it was okay because Armin did the same. 

***

Armin’s 27th birthday seems to mark the beginning of the end.

He seems to get sicker more often like when he was smaller, lines start to appear on his face suddenly and rapidly, and Mikasa notices his golden hair starting to turn silver more and more each night that he lays his head on her chest in bed. He starts to resemble his physique and athleticism at age 12, except he’s older. He starts to cut down his days at training, attending fewer meetings because he’s just so exhausted. 

His birthday is also the same day he officially retires from the Survey Corps. 

Mikasa almost quits with him, wanting to spend every single second Armin has left by his side but she keeps herself level-headed and focused, her main focus being Armin and getting him through particularly bad days like today. Physically, it’s actually a good day. He’s not coughing, his body isn’t aching. Armin just never imagined he would be retiring, let alone at the young age of 27.

They both seem to turn in earlier than normal tonight, but Mikasa already knows she isn’t getting a single wink of sleep tonight. So she just lays on her side facing Armin, who seems to falling in and out of sleep quite roughly, and she doesn’t know how to soothe him, let alone herself. Instead she finds herself reaching out for him instead, running her hands from his small shoulders down his slender arms, stopping at his elbows as she takes in the features of his face that she can make out in the darkness, trying to commit to memory. She knows she’s most likely keeping him awake and she should stop, but he’s not saying anything so she lets herself be selfish and let herself break for once. 

No matter how much she lightly squeezes, how close she presses herself to his torso, she can’t help but still feel him slipping from her slowly, and she can’t seem to quite catch up. She lays her head on his chest and lets out a small, shaky breath as she listens to his steady heartbeat that she seems to have memorized. 

“Stay with me,” the words leave her in a small whisper before she can think about it, barely audible. She wraps one arm around him and squeezes, as if pinning him down will protect him from his curse. 

She suddenly feels arms snake and enclose around her, squeezing her back just as tightly. Then he’s nuzzling his nose into her hair and leaves a single kiss on the top of her head and lets out a small but firm, 

“Always.”

And that’s all the promise she needs.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [tumblr](https://erenmin.tumblr.com)
> 
> feedback is always appreciated!


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